Ok shall we try again?

I think it's pretty well known that I'm a huge procrastinator and not very consistent as this blog has proven :) but the blog has in the past helped keep me accountable so we will try again :)

I have started weight watchers again...it was a Christmas present from my day (no worries I asked for it!) this time I'm doing fairly better on the food choices but am still struggling with cravings and portion control :( it's even harder now that I'm not working. Yup I'm not teaching anymore :( well not at the moment...it's a long story and not worth sniveling over but I'm trying to find a job quickly that will keep me in field greens and out of ramen country! From nanny-ing to teaching online, I'm looking everywhere! Hopefully something will pop up soon :)

And yes I do realize that the post before this one talks very much about the same thing lol apparently I did not learn my lesson! I am still struggling with those questions even now and seriously kicking myself for not either getting out sooner or going overseas last year! This time I think I have finally learned my lesson though :) I cannot settle for anything less than what is best for me! I also need to really do some soul searching before I go back to a standard school and classroom. Hopefully teaching online will allow me the joy of teaching without the heartache and headaches of the public education system!

In the mean time I've been playing around with two cool apps: FitRadio which has stations that match whatever physical activity you are doing to keep beat and time up and WW Kitchen which you can put in your own recipes and it will calculate the points for you :)

Well that's it for now....laters :)

Kayleigh

yeah...it was a hiatus... :/ ....

Hiatus...from a blog...not so much :)

Needless to say I fell off the wagon...let me rephrase (because in the words of my friend Samara what I'm doing isn't a wagon, it's a lifestyle) I went to the dark side. I'm trying to pull myself back to the healthy light, but the dark side is so welcoming and comfy...I can totes see why people take up residence here (with neighbors like Sonic chili cheese tots and Darth Vader, wouldn't you?) I can't pinpoint exactly when I moved. The entire time I've been trying to be healthy, the Dark Side's been beside me, whispering "attraversiamo" seductively in my ear (nothing's more seductive then Italian, specially when being spoken by pizza). One day, I took its hand and did just that, I crossed over. Part of me was depressed that my family was in England celebrating my mom's 50th and I was stuck here, in a treadmill job where I keep pushing the rigor incline/speed button but to my shock and dismay I go nowhere. The other part is frustration. I frustrated that I'm not losing the weight quickly, frustrated that I feel I'm genuinely giving every part of myself to job only to get a headache from banging my head against a cinder block wall, frustrated that I'm single, frustrated at grad school. An allover encompassing frustration and dissatisfaction has rooted itself in my stomach, to which I start feeding it the comfort foods that have satisfied it before.

Now no one will be shocked I'm sure to learn that feeding it greasy foods and alcohol has NOT satisfied the dissatifaction. Instead it spread throughout my body and mind until I was consumed by it. At the ripe old age of 26, I have no clue what I want from life. Well correction, I have no idea what I want right now in life. Which means I'm at one of those Dr. Seuss-like crossroads with a million different paths in front of me and I'm here chilling reading the sign, most likely with a brownie in hand.

Do I stay in Atlanta? Do I go back down to Savannah and reboot my life from the last point it made sense? Do I go overseas since I am single? Do I pick a place on the map and start over where no one knows me? I do not have the answer to this question. Instead I have applied to all of them, seeing what sticks.

But back to my health: my slap awake moment. I was sitting in a restaurant and caught my reflection in a mirror. Who was that girl with no face, no expression, sitting awkwardly in a booth? OMG it's me!?I have no face....the fat has rendered expressions useless. I realize that I'm not going to get any further on this "What the hell should I do?" dilemma until I recognize my own reflection. It's not exactly like since that day I've been the model health nut. I'm still struggling to remember to track my points and fast food stills whispers "attraversiamo" as I drive to school every morning. But then I remember I'm tired of being fat. I contacted my doctor about adjusting my meds, which have wiped all traces of testerone, leaving me tired and listless. I go on a grocery spree filling my fridge once again with healthy options. I set my alarm 30 minutes early so I can eat breakfast here. I suppress the doubts, fears, thoughts of dissatisfaction and lazy tendencies so I can get ahead on things. I am making a genuine effort again.

I know this journey is going to take awhile (part of the justification for shacking up with the Dark Side) but I'm going to stick it out. While I might visit the Dark Side from time to time (they do have exceptional food there), I'm determined not to take residence there again in the gingerbread house that looks so appetizing on the outside but is rotting away on the inside.

I can do this.

Always,

K

So life just got harder...

So this isn't really about my weight loss journey but my life has gotten more stressful which, as history shows, I usually deal with food. I've been struggling this year with the grade level I teach and even though things have gotten better they haven't gotten good enough.I've been put on a professional development plan which sucks because it's a mandated improvement plan that goes in my permanent record and piles on some extra work for me, on top of grad school. I've decided to look on the bright side and look at this as just extra help and training since im only a third year. And I've met some people at the training I'm currently at that are willing to help me as well. But I have decided to look for a different job and go back to early childhood where I feel my strengths lie and I'm the most successful. So the search begins again to find another job. I feel that testing grades, especially math, are just not my strengths which I knew at the beginning but did not speak up like I should have. I feel I should have been honest in the beginning but live and learn I guess. I don't why I was put in my current position when in my interview I was very clear but everything happens for a reason I guess. So the next month is going to be crazy but I'm still determined to stay as healthy as possible and not resort to junk food or alcohol to cope. So I appreciate all your support and pray that things go smoothly the rest of the year and that I find a position where I'm appreciated, respected and supported so I can be the best teacher I can be. Always, K

cooking!!

love skinnytaste.com everything i have made off there lately has been super delicious!!! Oh and have new major obsession: Quaker Rice Snacks...they're freaking awesome and only 10 pts for the entire bag (they are that addicting so I had to figure that one out haha)...the cheddar ones taste just like cheesy poofs and the chocolate ones are awesome with frozen yogurt!! so definitely get them if you are a snacker like me!! So back to doing workstations...yes this is what I do on Sundays...make stuff for school :)

Always,

K

ok so maybe the worst blogger ever :/

So I didn't realize how easy to let this blog fall behind would be!! While I have been really sick the last few days, there's really no excuse for the lapse before that. So I have renewed my vow and committment both to the blog and to WW. Last week my cousin was in town and even though she is a major inspiration (she's lost 91 lbs in a year!) it was easy to fall behind in my diet since we went out to eat a lot and drank a lot! But I'm back on the wagon after spending $200 on groceries haha. I have a slew of new recipes thanks to http://www.skinnytaste.com/ and I'm excited to get back on track. Tonight I'm making Stuffed Cabbage Casserole since I'm way too lazy to make Cabbage Rolls. Excited! I made Hungry Girl's Breakfast Cookies and they are delish!! And I'm still addicted to my Lean Cuisines with steamed veggies for lunch every day! Trying to get everything back on track so stay with me!!!!

Always,

K

the trouble with food is...

it's so delicious and easy to get!!! This whole diet thing would be so much easier if I lived in a third world country or the backwoods somewhere lol. I never really realized how freaking easy it is to be fat in this country!!! and CHEAP!!!! I mean you can eat a shit ton of crap for $10 at any fast food place but $10 won't go very far if you want to get something healthy at a restaurant. I mean seriously why is it $14 for a salad? Was the lettuce imported from the golden enriched soils of Indonesia? it's ridiculous! So...you may have figured out there has been some cheating this week...but it's cool because I totally have figured out how to fix this problem.
1.) Put my purse in my trunk...can't go through drive thru's (yes it has gotten to that point)
2.) Drink a shit ton of water...
3.) Eat apples....
Plan 3 needs some explanation...I came to this revelation the other day after I had eaten a salad and an apple...I was exhausted after! Seriously I now know why they say salad is the best thing to eat when losing weight...you get so freaking tired of chewing halfway through the salad your body just screams "ENOUGH!!" and you're good...same goes for an apple....so much chewing!! And for those of you who are thinking "damn this girl is lazy..." I challenge you to eat a large salad with a crap load of veggies on it and then an apple and then see how your jaw is feeling....not such a smug bastard anymore are we???

btw there will be pictures up here eventually...I'm just really lazy :)

Below is an awesome recipe I found on www.skinnytaste.com (an amazing food website...everything looks awesome on there)....it was freaking delicious...definitely get mango salsa to go with it...your happy mouth will thank you and forgive you for the salad/apple incident

http://www.skinnytaste.com/2012/02/jamaican-brown-stew-chicken.html#more

Always,

K

motivation via kids in need :)

So this week has been pretty crappy as far as my dedication and commitment to WW goes. I mean doesn't the rest of the world realize I'm on a diet? So could they please stop making delicious albight really unhealthy food? lol...but seriously I definitely fell through the cracks some and haven't been that great about tracking...but my family can tell you I'm terrible at remembering to do something daily...whether it be text, call, take medicine, etc. I get in trouble all the time at work because I'll start an incentive or intervention but after a few times forget to do it...consistency has always been a major flaw in me!! I'm working on it but I have a lot of things I'm supposed to be consistent with so it's a bit much!!

One of the things I've been really slacking off in is exercise. I hate working out...literally despise it! Those girls at the gym with the cute outfits running on the treadmill with their ponytails swinging behind them literally make me want to grab them by that same ponytail and yank them off...it's ridiculous I know lol. I mean, I really don't understand people who enjoy working out. But you never really meet a fat person who likes working out lol. It's always thin people who enjoy it. Oh and girls who used to be fat really piss me off when they are all like "I love working out!" No bitch you don't you just love the fact that you can climb a flight of stairs without passing out and can shop at more then three stores! Ok off soapbox so anyways I needed motivation to work out, well I got in the form of a 5k my little(st) sister found and has convinced me to do, along with my other sister. It's called the Color Run and it benefits the Children's Hospital in Atlanta. The premise is for every 1k you run (or in my case walk with purpose) kids and volunteers throw paint powder and glitter on you and then at the end there's this huge celebration. It's $40 to sign up in case anyone is interested. I have the link at the bottom of the post. The run is March 31st and I'll make sure I put up pictures.

Speaking of the pictures are being taken tomorrow because I'm going to my parents and having one of my sisters take them so I can stop procrastinating. I also need to find a scale (the one you actually move the bar to find weight) so I can update my weight.

Well that's all for now...bout to go make some soup and do homework...oh joy! :) In case I don't post tomorrow....Go Giants!!!

http://thecolorrun.com/atlanta/

Always,

K